By Dr. Ted WiardGolden Willow RetreatEditors Note: This is part of a series of columns by grief specialist Dr. Ted Wiard, dedicated to helping educate the community about emotional healing.The focus of this series of columns has been on grief, which is the process of redefining one’s self after loss into their new situation and definition of who that person is now.As COVID-19 has become the focus around the world, this column is an attempt to give emotional support for individuals, families and communities during this time of radical change, to everybody, in some way.Shopping, socializing, communicating, family dynamics, school, work, religious gatherings, financial behaviors and a perception of safety (just to name some of the many changes), have all radically changed everyday living and functioning.This is grief and everybody in the world is in a grief process independently, familiarly and as a worldly collective.Part of our brain wants instant gratification, and as that is not happening, it is causing a magnified level of most emotions. This is a normal process as emotions arise radically when the normalcy of a person’s everyday life has been disrupted. Historical emotional experiences as well as present emotions, collide and increase the magnitude of emotional distress.As months pass and this pandemic continues, resiliency becomes more prominent. Resiliency is the ability to adapt in times of emotionally escalated change, to rebuild a foundation, to bring a new norm back into one’s life.Resiliency does not mean avoiding the experience of emotional distress, but how to navigate behaviors, thoughts and actions during and after a change in life.The skill of navigating difficult times is something that has been taught throughout your history in life from family dynamics, religious/spiritual beliefs and habitual ways of dealing with change, cultural influences, and many more life-long factors. Like any other skill, everyone can always improve skills by being resilient. I think of sustaining a level of emotional balance is similar to a marathon with no clear finish line.In order to survive and grow within that marathon takes many supports, from leaders and leadership, nutrition, self-monitoring, realigning plans as circumstances change, collaborating, resting and working, all while being aware of how the environment can help support thru the entirety of the marathon. Having only one support will make it almost impossible to finish the race. Having many supports is what allows success, growth and community.When there is a radical change, most people will first retract and isolate, as time goes forward and the need to sustain the change becomes a longer period of time, the need for self-care increases. Resource multiple supports so as new changes happen, the supports can hold up against the pressure, as the person is not dependent only on one certain support. I picture this as a pier, which has many pillars or girders to give structure that can sustain the storms and pressures, and if there were only one pillar, that platform would not hold up.Finding supports that allow a person to help sustain a long-term and adaptable foundation is imperative during challenging times. Remembering that supports are not only people, but also include a path of multiple types of emotional supports, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically that can allow you to be resilient in the midst of an emotional marathon, as well as build a stronger internal resilient emotional foundation. Until the next article, take care and be well.Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, founder of Golden Willow Retreat at GWR@newmex.com or call 575.776.2024.
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